‘Mayonnaise on Toast’: Mike Pence Campaign Kickoff Starts With Weird Comparison for Ex-VP

OK, so former Vice President Mike Pence isn’t exactly at the top of the GOP polls. Or, for that matter, even near the top of the GOP polls.

While no polls have been taken since Pence announced on Wednesday that he is seeking the highest office in the land, according to the Real Clear Politics polling aggregate, he is sitting in fourth place at 3.8 percent.

That’s behind former South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley’s 4.4 percent, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’ 22.4 percent and former President Donald Trump’s rather commanding 53.2 percent.

It’s also just 1.2 percent ahead of businessman and author Vivek Ramaswamy. That doesn’t bode well for Pence.

But, hey — a campaign announcement is the best time to get the party faithful excited. There’s nothing more effective than a lead-in speaker who pumps up the crowd to get a rally started right.

So Pence found a guy who noted that some have called the former veep “mayonnaise on toast.”

Great start. This can only end well.

The hype man in question was Indiana House Speaker Todd Huston. I know Pence is a Hoosier, but is this the best guy he could score for an event held in Iowa?

It would help if Huston at least tried to inspire confidence in Pence. And if you like Hellmann’s, maybe this works:

“Somebody said Mike Pence can be a lot like mayonnaise on toast … The Mike Pence that we know … there’s a lot of Iowa bacon — maybe even a little Tabasco sauce in that toast, too.”

— Indiana House Speaker Todd Huston (R) during Mike Pence’s 2024 campaign launch in Iowa pic.twitter.com/3oEcrqVAoV

— The Recount (@therecount) June 7, 2023

“Somebody said Mike Pence can be a lot like mayonnaise on toast,” Huston said.

“Let me just suggest this: I think you’re going to get to know the Mike Pence that we know. … There’s a lot of Iowa bacon, maybe even a little Tabasco sauce in that toast, too.”

To make this worse, a fair bit of internet sleuthing didn’t find anyone who’s described Pence as “mayonnaise on toast” aside from, well, Huston.

But I do concede that someone may well have described him that way somewhere along the line — and that’s because it’s not an uncommon assessment.

For instance, I like Mike Pence. I would love it if he were running for president in 2024 under different circumstances, preferably as Trump was leaving the White House after serving his second term. I think Pence is a patriot, a man of God, and a leader of distinction.

And yet, when he’s speaking, I find myself wondering whether he’s falling asleep or I am. Or both.

We both made it through his speech bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on Wednesday, although the key quotes from the kickoff address were so nondescript and platitudinous that it might as well have been the first political speech written by ChatGPT.

“Elections are about the future, and I believe different times call for different leaders,” Pence said. And, of course, guess who the different leader could be.